I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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