so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I need a beard to bite.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
