the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
