Sponge bath it is.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
