im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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