If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
