I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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