At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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