So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
