One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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