Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
