Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
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