Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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