i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I need mimosas to revive my soul
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
