I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
