chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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