it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
