it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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