Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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