LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Randomize
