I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
