i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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