he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
