dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
