Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
She's the barista slut.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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