the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
