Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
