stop calling my apartment porn island.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
