the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Randomize
