she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
