My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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