First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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