i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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