doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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