she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
So much rum. So many feels.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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