Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Randomize
