eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
