I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
