May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
