wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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