dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
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