God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
