he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
