I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Randomize
