You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
