yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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