i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
