Buhtt sex?
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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