1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
