if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
