Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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